Y9 – 24/02/15

Due: 29/02 (Issued: 24/02)


Annotate the handout, answering the following questions
1. Identify the subject of each paragraph (who?).
2. Define the focus of each sentence (what?).
3. How does the writer guide the reader’s attention?
4. What features come to life through the description?


  1. An annotated handout
  2. Annotations respond to all 4 questions


Practice, using 2 paragraphs, your own approach to creating narrative flow


We had approached the bend with November’s chill in our hair and in our hearts.

The last of the trees had fallen away to the left of the road and the sparse greenery of the landscape far below was revealed to me, mingled then in the browns and oranges of the fallow fields. I can remember turning from the view to him, expecting his attention to be on his driving; and I had been thinking: how beautiful the countryside appeared without people in it, as I massaged my pregnant belly. If only the world could be free of them; free of us; free of him –

He was glaring at me.

For the first time in his presence I was startled. In the dark circles surrounding his eyes I could see the lightning trails of blue veins just beneath the skin, could feel menace in the way they quivered. A needle of fire shot through my heart and burned across my chest.

He seemed to have come to a decision.

The baby was beating a rhythm against my belly when we lost traction in a bed of leaves. As we skidded, those poisonous hues had bled into one another; at once vibrant and alive and yet, as they spun around us, I could only think of sickness.
The baby was still kicking as we left the road.